The 40 Greatest Movie Bastards

It's a love/hate thing. Deliciously nasty bad guys...

BY Dan Goodswen Jun 19th 2009 15:15PMFILED UNDER: Features

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16. Raymond Delauney (Terry-Thomas) 

School For Scoundrels (1959)

The cad’s cad, the bounder’s bounder, Terry Thomas turns his sneaky gap-toothed charm on the girlfriend of Ian Carmichaels’ nice guy, forcing the latter to learn a bunch of dirty tricks in order to win her back.

Prime Act Of Bastardy: Delauney may get his comeuppance later on, but his first tennis victory over Carmichael is a soul-crushing piece of bastardy.

Not only does he thrash him, but he makes Carmichael look like the bad guy of the piece. The man’s a total and utter tosspot.

15. Harry Callahan (Clint Eastwood) 

Dirty Harry series (1971-1983)

A borderline psychotic who just happens to be on the right side of the law, ‘Dirty’ Harry Callahan ain’t got time to play by the rules.

Harry’s appeared in five movies, taking out two serial killers (Dirty Harry, The Dead Pool), a group of rogue cops (Magnum Force), urban terrorists (The Enforcer) and a rape-revenge killer (Sudden Impact).

Nothing makes his day more than bringing in his man - preferably with a hole in the back of his head.

Prime Act Of Bastardy: Having stopped a bank robbery early in Dirty Harry, he utters the famous “Do you feel lucky?” speech to a prone robber. Did Harry fire six shots or only five? The robber bottles it and drops his gun, but stops the cop walking away with the words:

“I got to know...” and a nod at the gun. Smiling, Harry points the Magnum at the terrified crook’s head and pulls the trigger. The gun clicks empty… 

14. King Edward Longshanks (Patrick McGoohan) 

Braveheart (1995)

With his glassy stare and hissing voice, Patrick McGoohan’s Longshanks is the very image of malice.

A total shit as a dad or father-in-law – after chucking his son’s ‘special friend’ out of a window, Longshanks tells daughter-in-law Sophie Marceau that he’s going to have to sire his grandchildren himself. Ewww.

Prime Act Of Bastardy: Issuing an order which gives his Scottish nobles the right to sleep with any commoner’s wife. “If we can’t get them out,” he says of the Scots, “we’ll breed them out.” Which makes him a bastard willing to create several thousand more...

13. Phil Connors (Bill Murray) 

Groundhog Day (1993)

He may turn into the nicest man in Punxsutawney by the end of the movie, but at the start, the sexist, sarcastic, careerist Connors would struggle to be the nicest man in his own underpants. Murray at his sarky, snarling finest.

Prime Act Of Bastardy: Phil asks a pretty girl a few questions about her life. The next time he lives through the day, he uses the info to con her into bed by pretending to have lusted after her from afar for years. Score! Uh - we mean, bastard!

Next: William Tavington, Chad, Melvin Udall...

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