The 40 Greatest Movie Bastards

It's a love/hate thing. Deliciously nasty bad guys...

16. Raymond Delauney (Terry-Thomas) 

School For Scoundrels (1959)

The cad’s cad, the bounder’s bounder, Terry Thomas turns his sneaky gap-toothed charm on the girlfriend of Ian Carmichaels’ nice guy, forcing the latter to learn a bunch of dirty tricks in order to win her back.

Prime Act Of Bastardy: Delauney may get his comeuppance later on, but his first tennis victory over Carmichael is a soul-crushing piece of bastardy.

Not only does he thrash him, but he makes Carmichael look like the bad guy of the piece. The man’s a total and utter tosspot.

15. Harry Callahan (Clint Eastwood) 

Dirty Harry series (1971-1983)

A borderline psychotic who just happens to be on the right side of the law, ‘Dirty’ Harry Callahan ain’t got time to play by the rules.

Harry’s appeared in five movies, taking out two serial killers (Dirty Harry, The Dead Pool), a group of rogue cops (Magnum Force), urban terrorists (The Enforcer) and a rape-revenge killer (Sudden Impact).

Nothing makes his day more than bringing in his man - preferably with a hole in the back of his head.

Prime Act Of Bastardy: Having stopped a bank robbery early in Dirty Harry, he utters the famous “Do you feel lucky?” speech to a prone robber. Did Harry fire six shots or only five? The robber bottles it and drops his gun, but stops the cop walking away with the words:

“I got to know...” and a nod at the gun. Smiling, Harry points the Magnum at the terrified crook’s head and pulls the trigger. The gun clicks empty… 

14. King Edward Longshanks (Patrick McGoohan) 

Braveheart (1995)

With his glassy stare and hissing voice, Patrick McGoohan’s Longshanks is the very image of malice.

A total shit as a dad or father-in-law – after chucking his son’s ‘special friend’ out of a window, Longshanks tells daughter-in-law Sophie Marceau that he’s going to have to sire his grandchildren himself. Ewww.

Prime Act Of Bastardy: Issuing an order which gives his Scottish nobles the right to sleep with any commoner’s wife. “If we can’t get them out,” he says of the Scots, “we’ll breed them out.” Which makes him a bastard willing to create several thousand more...

13. Phil Connors (Bill Murray) 

Groundhog Day (1993)

He may turn into the nicest man in Punxsutawney by the end of the movie, but at the start, the sexist, sarcastic, careerist Connors would struggle to be the nicest man in his own underpants. Murray at his sarky, snarling finest.

Prime Act Of Bastardy: Phil asks a pretty girl a few questions about her life. The next time he lives through the day, he uses the info to con her into bed by pretending to have lusted after her from afar for years. Score! Uh - we mean, bastard!

Next: William Tavington, Chad, Melvin Udall...

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Comments

    • ThrashGordon

      Jul 7th 2009, 12:37

      cool, glad to see Burke in there, he rules!! Could have done with Ellis from Die Hard to shore up the 80s sleaze... ''Show him the watch... Its a Rolex.' 'Hans, Boobie! I'm you're white knight!'' Class. Maybe Shooter McGavin from Happy Gilmore too... ah I'm just listing all my heroes here!

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    • alowe

      Jul 7th 2009, 15:26

      Good shout with Shooter. And we know we haven't included Daniel Plainview - but he's keeping for something else... :)

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    • weirdr0b0t

      Jul 7th 2009, 15:34

      lets be honest... brick top from s****h should have been up there!! He was an awesome character, completely lacking any defining positive features!!

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    • slowhands107

      Jul 7th 2009, 16:42

      The fact that you left Don Logan (Ben Kingsley - Sexy Beast) from the list makes it totally void. Mr.Blonde!!! Archibald Cunningham (Tim Roth -Rob Roy) Stephen Graham in THIS IS ENGLAND.

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    • mic2803

      Jul 7th 2009, 16:45

      i'm sorry, but you have all forgotten about Jeremy Irons' "Scar" from the "Lion King". "Long live the king", throwing his own brother into the depths of a fatal stampeed (is that the correct spelling?)

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    • omniblue

      Jul 8th 2009, 0:48

      I'm sorry. b*****d list without... Patrick Bateman (Christian Bale) @ American Psycho Fails

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    • Heskin

      Jul 9th 2009, 12:02

      What no Michael Corleone?

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    • BapNayak

      Jul 10th 2009, 11:50

      What about Clancy Brown's Captain Hadley in Shawshank. I'm sorry but what an evil b*****d!

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    • Mizino

      Jul 10th 2009, 12:52

      No Joker?

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    • greatatuin

      Jul 12th 2009, 14:08

      Daniel Plainview?

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    • Mozkiwi

      Jul 13th 2009, 0:34

      How about two b*****ds in one film? Once Were Warriors' Jake Heke (Temuera Morrison) who dismisses the family trip to visit his son in borstal, in favour of drinking at the local pub with his mates - one of whom, Bully (Cliff Curtis) rapes Jake's daughter,while the parents and guests are partying downstairs, with that most b*****dly of lines, "Give your Uncle Bully a kiss." Ick and ick... but the actors were brilliant!

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    • casinoheat

      Jul 20th 2009, 19:27

      Robert De Niro in Raging Bull... The biggest c**k on film

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    • Kedders1986

      Jul 22nd 2009, 0:28

      How Tom Berenger as Sgt. Barnes in Platoon. Shooting fellow soldier Willem Dafoe and leaving him for dead is a good enough reason.

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    • halo14

      Jul 31st 2009, 7:00

      This list can not be complete without Gary Oldman. He makes the ultimate 'bad guy' in many movies. The best - his perfomance as the pshycho pill popping detective in The Professional.

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    • SCY385

      Jul 31st 2009, 22:29

      I have seen other lists about cinema b*****ds, and they always seemed to leave a few of my picks off. But you guys did me proud when you mentioned Dennis Peck from Internal Affairs. Of all the Jason's, Freddie's,etc. Dennis Peck scares me more than any of them. Why? Because he has the potential to be real. A cop with that kind of charisma, ruthlessness, and evil magnetism is a scary prospect. This was the role that proved to me that Richard Gere could act. Good choice.

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    • carolineadams

      Aug 27th 2009, 18:56

      how about Captain Vidal from Pan's Labyrinth??

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    • FBLPedroza

      Sep 25th 2011, 17:51

      The Lieutienant from "Bad Lieutenant" and both versions to booth.

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    • abbywatson

      Nov 22nd 2012, 6:09

      You forgot Draco Malfoy from the Harry Potter series. He could even give Biff Tannen (Back to the Future) and Bully (Once Were Warriors) lessons on what a b*****d should be like and how a true b*****d should act. Plus, Biff would definitely be shocked at Draco's magical powers, seeing as how, although Biff is a bully, he's also a Muggle (non-magic person) in Harry Potter's world...

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