For Das Boot the cast shot their scenes chronologically, so they could grow beards naturally. Fine, but as anyone with a face-thatch knows, beards aren’t all that taxing to produce.

De Niro would’ve invaded a small country using a submarine and a fork. Whatever facial hair he had at the end of that particular journey, that’s the beard that would’ve made it into the movie.

De Niro rating:    Bobbys out of ten