The Role: Urgh…in a plot that  Jackie Collins would discard as “flimsy”, Latin lover-man Antonio Banderas buys himself a mail-order bride from America. They roll around a bit, before some unwelcome murdering gets in the way of all the sex.

It’s a poor film indeed that devotes serious screen time to a semi-naked Jolie and yet still manages to be deadly dull. One to forget, eh Ange?

The Pout: Party to some deeply underwhelming sex-scenes, not even the pout can escape unscathed. Curse you Banderas!