The Cast of The Happening (2008)
The Performance: Mark Wahlberg, Zooey Deschanel, John Leguizamo etc. etc.
Brought to you by the man who carved up the similarly bark-covered Lady In The Water, a man who, by our count, has written one great script (it was Unbreakable).
A plot about plants is no excuse for the entire cast behaving like garden furniture.
Why It’s Woody: Between the dead eyes and monotones of Deschanel and the confusing verbal diarrhea Wahlberg spouts with the conviction of OJ during a game of truth or dare, this is the Woodstock of movie acting.
The mechanized dioramas at Disneyland are more emotive. Seriously, it’s hard to believe Marky Mark and Zooey have even met, let alone are engaged in a relationship. Oh, and Wahlberg talks to a plant. Bad.
If The Performance Was A Tree: A Rainforest. Yes only a massive wood-filled ecosystem could even begin to represent the shambles of a mockery displayed here.
Perhaps it was on purpose, what with the plot involving plants and all… but we highly doubt it.
Comments
Ray Peterson
Aug 13th 2009, 12:28
Utah! Get me two!
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ebrown2112
Aug 13th 2009, 14:22
Keanu Reeves exceptions: see "Permanent Record", "Thumbsucker", "River's Edge", "The Prince of Pennsylvania", "My Own Private Idaho".
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ebrown2112
Aug 13th 2009, 14:23
Exception: Halle Berry, "Things We Learned In The Fire"
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ashley.russell
Aug 14th 2009, 17:52
Reeves was also good in The Gift but Kate Holmes boobs will always be the most memorable thing about that movie.
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captainspudnick
Aug 14th 2009, 19:55
how did you manage to do this list without the entire lifetime's work of Andie MacDowell! if you've seen 4 weddings, you'll know what i mean!
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English47
Oct 9th 2011, 5:23
Paul Walker - Fast and Furious (and probably his entire career, but I haven't really entertained the idea of looking into his)
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