The top five videogames that should be movies

David Cronenberg's Half-Life, anyone?

 

1. Halo

THE GAME
A first-person shooter with a typically surreal story, Halo is essentially James Cameron’s Aliens and Avatar rolled into one bullet-fuelled beast.

Halo sees humanity develop something called a Shaw-Fujikawa Translight Engine (honestly), a machine that allows people to travel across the galaxy in the blink of an eye, to colonise other planets. Because, obviously, colonisation’s been such a brilliant thing for humanity in the past.

It may sound like Stargate, but don’t worry, the plot’s just an excuse for gamers to run around shooting their friends using a wide variety of guns and vehicles.

THE DIRECTOR
You might have heard a little bit about this one already – some bloke called Peter Jackson was supposed to direct it, but then decided he had better things to do.

So who should step into his shoes? Sam Raimi is Pete’s current stand-in (or, at least, if all The Hobbit talk’s true), he doesn’t seem to be too busy at the moment and, despite Spider-Man 3’s failings, he can certainly direct action, so why not hand him Halo? Bruce Campbell as The Master Chief, anyone?

THE CURVEBALL DIRECTOR
In a dream world, we’d like to see Halo: A Spike Lee Joint. We reckon Spike’s sensibilities would bring a new voice to sci-fi. At the very least he’d bring some characterisation to the various alien species the human race is looking to blast out of existence. And we're certain Microsoft would go for that idea.

THE HOLD-UP
To be honest – we’re not entirely sure. An Alex Garland script was ready to go, Peter Jackson had signed on to direct and then…nothing.

Perhaps it was a case of too many cooks, the flick was to be developed and released by Universal Pictures and 20th Century Fox, under the creative oversight of Microsoft, which sounds like at least ten thousand too many suits to us.

Still, Pete’s still signed on to executive-produce, a director, Neill Blomkamp, has been confirmed and they’re aiming for a 2009 release date. All would be perfect, if it wasn't for Blomkamp declaring the project ‘dead’ earlier this year.

Read the CVG review here

2. Half-Life

THE GAME
Another popular first-person shooter, Half-Life asks you to assume the role of a theoretical physicist, named Dr Gordon Freeman. But don’t worry, Gordon doesn’t do anything scientific; no, he just has to kill stuff with his gun. You see, Gord gets himself trapped in an underground research facility, after a teleportation experiment goes horribly wrong, unleashing hordes of mutants, aliens and cover-up military types. His only option – well, apart from sneaking out the back – is to look around for guns and ammo, pick them up, and shoot things with them.

THE DIRECTOR
Hmm, aliens, guns, scientists…when James Cameron’s finished revolutionising 3D cinema with Avatar, perhaps someone could put a call in to his agent. If you let him chuck in a cyborg and a sinking ship, this could operate as a sort-of greatest hits version of his directorial career.

THE CURVEBALL DIRECTOR
Teleportation troubles you say? What’s David Cronenberg up to these days? Cast Jeff Goldblum as Gordon Freeman and the tagline writes itself!  The Fly – with aliens!

If Jeff’s busy, cast Morgan Freeman, if only for the anagram appeal. But, let’s face it, Jeff’s not busy.

THE HOLD-UP
In 2008 a film called Half-Life will hit cinemas. The only problem is, it’s an emotional chick-flick about a couple of kids who use their imaginations to escape from their grim upbringing, or something.

It could be brilliant, but does it feature Gordon Freeman shooting hordes of greys? No, no it does not. Sadly, it’s greatly reduced the chances of a Half-Life film being made, as there’s nothing the money-men like more than a confused audience.

Read the CVG review here

3. BioShock

THE GAME
Like all the other plot summaries in this list, BioShock’s is entirely plausible, and could happen. However, unlike the rest, BioShock could’ve happened in the past.

The year is 1960, and a young pilot has crash-landed into an underwater city, designed by a bunch of scientists and artists to be a Little Mermaid-style utopia. Unfortunately – sigh – some experiments went horribly wrong and the place is packed with muties, robots and little girls with syringes, who all want to kill our hero. So he has to look around for guns and ammo, pick them up, and shoot things with them.

THE DIRECTOR
Terry Gilliam. Now, this may seem like we’ve put the curve-ball director into the wrong box, but bear with us. BioShock’s steam-punk aesthetic is perfect for the planet’s pottiest director. If Gilliam could channel the man who made Brazil and 12 Monkeys, BioShock could be the greatest film ever made. We’d prefer it if the chap who made Tideland stayed at home, though.

THE CURVEBALL DIRECTOR
George Clooney. If he ever gets fed-up of making political thrillers, he could try making a blockbuster. It couldn’t possibly be as dull as Confessions Of A Dangerous Mind and there’s a family connection, his aunt, Rosemary, sings on the game’s soundtrack. And, hey, George Clooney involved with a blockbuster – what could go wrong?

THE HOLD-UP
To be fair, BioShock’s only just been released. It is brilliant, though, so we expect a movie by 2010 at the latest. Or, Hollywood, we’re coming for you. You’ve been warned.

Read the CVG review here

4. Super Mario Galaxy

THE GAME
It’s Mario, but instead of hopping from platform to platform, the Italian plumber is jumping from planet to planet in an adventure that takes him across the universe. If that ain’t evolution, we don’t know what is.

THE DIRECTOR
Richard Kelly. We were really looking forward to Southland Tales, so we were more upset than most when it turned out to be rubbish. Still, there were glimmers of brilliance in there – and imagine Mario meets Donnie Darko as a high-concept.

THE CURVEBALL DIRECTOR
Dennis Hopper. He might not have directed since 2000's Homeless, but someone's got to atone for his performance as King Koopa in Super Mario Bros.

THE HOLD-UP
The Super Mario Bros. Movie. 'Nuff said.

Read the CVG review here

5. LEGO Star Wars: The Complete Saga

THE GAME
It’s Star Wars, all of them, with little LEGO men. Aw.

THE DIRECTOR
Steven Spielberg. George Lucas has had three attempts at making a modern Star Wars flick, proving every time that a Wookiee would have done a better job at directing the prequels , so why not let his beardy mate have a go?

THE CURVEBALL DIRECTOR
David Lynch. Not as crazy as you might think – Lynch was in the running to direct Return Of The Jedi. If he’s feeling any regret for passing up a Star Wars film (somehow, we doubt it), he could make amends by directing all of them, in LEGO.

Oh, and the game allows you to mix and match characters (slave Leia with Jabba’s head, for example). Imagine what fun he’d have with that concept!

THE HOLD-UP
Lucasfilm owns the rights – we will never see this film. Start getting over it now.

Read CVG review here

Source: (computerandvideogames.com)

 

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