While this one doesn’t boast Statham or Amy Smart, it does feature John Hurt chewing scenery like it tastes of Werther’s Originals, and Jim Caviezel probably wondering why he signed up for the silliness in the first place.

There's also lots of hairy Viking types running scared from a massive alien beastie that, as Caviezel explains is “just a smudge of light in the darkness… It kills men… beasts... everything… And it smells like death.” Lovely.

At least it looks better than Pathfinder. But then, getting hit in the genitals with a rake would be more enjoyable than that. We’ll give Outlander a Nutso Factor of 7.3. Must try harder.


Now give us your scores. Are you revved up to see Crank? Do you think we’ll ever see Outlander in the UK? Speak!