Warning...obsession starts here!
Hey hey fellow enlightened movie chums,
Gather round, lend me your ears for I am about to impart onto you a tale of woe that would loosen the very bowels of Jack the Ripper himself.
Mine is a tale of manic passion, dark obsession and sheer bloodymindedness! So sit down, strap in and place yourself into some clean underwear and allow me to pass on my dark tale!
For you see all this began less than a week ago...
My friend, who having failed to find anything worth watching on tv, suggested we pick a dvd from her rather **** poor collection of about 10 films! Not wanting to offend her or take on the massive responsibility of finding something remotely watchable on the every more dissapointing tv I agreed. More the fool I was, but I was not to know then what I do now!
For you see dear reader, the hand of fate dealt me a cruel blow that night, one from which I may lose my mind trying to recover from!
As chance would have it the film my friend picked out was one which I hadnt seen, a quaint tale of body swapping called "Freaky Friday"! I thought nothing of it as her stone-age dvd player's disk tray slammed shut with an ominous sound of the doom to come!
In fact dear reader, to be honest I was oblivious to the horrors that were to follow, being distracted by the thoughts of a certain Miss Lohan's perky breasts clouding my better judgement for one!
Anyway, enough thoughts of mammary glands for the moment and back to the story at hand. So there I am yawning my way through this truely awful film, when my mind began to wander, which it tends to do when otherwise disinterested or cleavage is not present.
I began thinking about the plot of this yawnfest of a film, when I hit me like a lightning blot to the testicles, I had seen a film years ago with a sort of similar plot, the whole body swict-ero theme.
Little did I know I had unwittingly sowed the seeds of obsession in my mind, for you see the more I thought about this half forgotton film the more I hit a mental block and seemed to forget! Like how a tramp wakes up in the morning and wonders where he got that chainsaw and the blood on his shoes!
What was that strange film I had watched all those years ago...Who was in it...When did I see it...? All these questions and no answers...my god! Had I reached the limit of my vast movie knowledge? Can my friend hear my thoughts? Are Linsay Lohan's breasts real?
All these questions flying around in my head like chimps on a rollercoaster...I HAD to know the answer...so began my search!
Now dear reader, the internet is a helpful too, yes?
WRONG! Its only helpful if you know the name of what your looking for, but so far that had eluded me! What about the actors in it I hear you scream...No, again memory fails me! Damn you cheap alcohol!
A fresh approach was needed, "think back" I told myself, "back to the night I saw the film" I helpfully added.
*Cue dreamy flashback sequence*
Its was a weekend and I was still in school, which if my maths serves me correctly is just over 8 years ago, that much I know for sure, now this meant one of two scenarios:
A: I had no money to go out and therefore had to stay in watching tv.
B: Same as above, but I had alcohol.
"Remember the plot" I tell myself while massaging my temples. "Remember, re..mem..ber...re...memmm...
The fragments of plot I managed to piece together from my back then alcohol raveged teenage brain are as follows:
Its about some guy, who meets this girl, shags her, undergoes some experiment/operation and somehow or other gets his brain/personality swapped into her body.
He wakes up in her body, in some prison(ish) type place, he knows who he is, but has no idea whats happened to his body. Her mind is now gone all together, just his in her body.
Turns out his body is still around only theres some other chap using it, (some corrupt doctor, politician, main evil character).
Anyway, story goes He/she escapes, finds out that He/she is pregnant by himself, finds out what happens to He/she's original body, ends up killing his original male body and is forever trapped in the female body with a kid on the way.
From what I can recall it had that straight to video vibe about it and I cant remember a single cast member.
So here I am, alone with my obsession! Everyone I've told about this strange film thinks I took leave of my senses and am in need of a mental health professional, bit I'll be damned if I'll let anyone **** in my cocopops and tell me its raining!
As sure as Marty McFly got back to 1985, I'll find the name of that ******* film, as the doc is my witness, NO video shop will be left unsearched!
Sherlock Holmes may balk at such a task but I, dear reader, am made of sterner stuff!
All I need ask of you, friends, is a shard of a clue...a sniff of a hint...anything to ignite my search!
So If you know anything about this film, or maybe like me you too have witnessed it, you are not crazy like everyone says you are!
Let me know!