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Donít have time to read through Twitter? Hereís a summary of whatís going on there:
Quote attributed to someone or something that is unexpected
Snarky reply to stupid celebrity question.
@ mentions between celebrities
Rob Delaney retweet
Tweet slamming Nickelback
Tweet about alternate universe where annoying celebrity does not exist
Liberal political joke
Fake celebrity/political figure/ religious figure @ mention
Tweet expressing twitter usersí mental and comedic superiority over stand-up comedians
Come to my stand up / improv show!
Read this thing I posted on tumblr.
Ironic response to hashtag. #lame
Sarah Jessica Parker looks like a horse.
Celebrity tweet that makes little sense
Tweets about favstar
Thanks for picking my tweet as the best tweet of the day
Iím too lazy to write new material so Iíll just post this old tweet from 6 months ago so my new followers can see it.
Someone died 30 seconds ago! Let me be the first person to make a joke thatís so obvious a thousand other people will independently make the same joke.
I am high.
I am drunk.
Listen to my podcast/ watch my webcast!
Retweets of @mentions from followers who take jokes seriously.
Iím a celebrity and Iím bored- ask me questions.
Witty and insightful tweet from famous astrophysicist
I hate my job.
I neglect my children.
Michael J. Fox experiences tremors as a result of Parkinsonís.
Extremely violent thoughts often threatening homicide for someone saying something mildly inane.
I wonder if the singer from that decades old pop song ever obtained the information sought in said pop song.
I donít give a fuck about your tumblr.
Retweeted favstar notification in effort to earn more stars.
Retweets of tweets containing spelling mistakes in relation to a trending topic.
Self deprecating tweet about poor tweet quality.
Gas is expensive
Open letter to person with habit/trait tweeter finds annoying
I donít give a fuck.
I love my followers.
Fuck off, unfollowers.
I hate the so-called ďtwitter eliteĒ
Reply to twitter elite / celebrity
#FF list of 15 people
Blatantly untrue ďconfessionĒ on Tuesdays
Tweet about something mundane: also, something silly
Question about an embarrassing topic phrased rhetorically where the intent is to show that although it is phrased rhetorically, it is, indeed, the tweeter him or herself that seeks such information
Question seeking clarification on whether or not something is socially acceptable. Related: something that demonstrates that the tweeter is doing this socially unacceptable thing
My spirit animal is a comedic reflection of my personality
That awkward moment when nobody stars your ďawkward momentĒ tweet.
Apology for not tweeting as much these days.
Stop correcting my typos in @ replies
List of two normal things and one absurd thing.
Fake celebrity account retweet
Iím on twitter when I should be sleeping.
Tweet about draft folder
Late night monologue style tweet regarding news headline.
I have a humorous superpower.
Married people donít have sex.
My coworker deserves to die.
I hate people.
Tweet about willingness to perform sex act men like.
Insult of historical figure
I canít believe this person stole my tweet.
Re-tweet of my tweet, illustrated.
Photograph of something gross.
Serious, sincere tweet about how grateful tweeter is for his or her followers.
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