By the time you read this, England should have roared to a heroic World Cup victory in Berlin, crushing Harry Hun with a stunning hat-trick from Michael Owen. Instead, it’s the same old story…

None the less, who’s mind won’t be drawn back to the air-punching climax of Goal!, as LA wünderkind Santiago Munez (Kuno Becker) thumped in a last-gasp winner for Newcastle United? Okay, don’t answer that. But even those left unconvinced by the age-old rags-to-riches plot line can’t help but feel a tingle of anticipation at the prospect of Goal! 2: Living The Dream. Santiago transferring to Real Madrid to line up with Raul, Zidane, Beckham, Carlos, Ronaldo and the mighty Woodgate? How can it not score?

“Goal! 2 is a classic rise-and-fall tale, the flight of Icarus,” explains writer/producer Mike Jefferies with an admirably straight face. “Santiago flies too close to the sun and comes tumbling down...”

The sequel sees Santiago battling the booze, depression and fallen women after a terrible road accident. “Goal! 2 is the middle part of the trilogy so it’s the dark one,” promises Jefferies earnestly. “In Goal! 3, Santiago will go to the World Cup. We’re going to Germany to shoot all the action. And no, I can’t get you tickets...”