Star Wars: Episode I re-release gets new “kids featurette”

The worst trailer ever?

Lucasfilm have released what they describe as a “kids featurette” to promote the 3D refit of Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace, and it just might be the most irritating trailer ever made.

Featuring an excruciating “woah dude” voiceover, and more Jar-Jar footage than you’d believe, it takes a while to realise that this isn’t some kind of fan-made wind-up… this is real!

The new trailer emerged a day or so ago, but we wouldn’t want you to miss it, so here it is in all its terrible glory…



“That sound can only mean one thing… POD RACING.” Good Lord, it’s enough to make you puncture your own ear-drums. And the less said about the narrator’s jaunty advice to Darth Maul, the better.

If you can stomach the idea of revisiting Episode I after that, the film re-opens in the UK next Thursday, 9 February. Although as Simon Pegg once described it, a 3D Phantom Menace would be like, “the car actually crashing into your face as opposed to just unfolding before your eyes.”

Will you be going to see it all over again? Do you want us to call you a doctor? Tell us, below.

Comments

    • Westyaka

      Feb 3rd 2012, 8:50

      Oh....Dear....Lord....

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    • theruffler

      Feb 3rd 2012, 8:58

      Horrible. The passage of time had seen my desire to watch this in 3D increase. Thankfully this trailer has reminded me that going is definitely NOT a good idea. Won't touch it with a 10 foot Jar Jar.

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    • Desperation

      Feb 3rd 2012, 9:01

      My brain is bleeding.

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    • mattrobbo69

      Feb 3rd 2012, 9:39

      This is my favourite film out of the 2nd triogy, but after this sham of a tariler i think i may have to reconsider.

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    • JamieTSB

      Feb 3rd 2012, 9:44

      As Darth Vader might (now) say NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

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    • marc96

      Feb 3rd 2012, 10:44

      erm.... Wow! , im utterly speechless... i think watching that has killed more of my brain cells than alcohol ever did

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    • loveroflostgirl

      Feb 3rd 2012, 10:46

      WHAT.....THE.....FRACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHO THE HELL THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?

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    • SixStepSamurai

      Feb 3rd 2012, 11:03

      George Lucas sold his soul to the Hollywood devil a long time ago. Complete sellout. You only have to watch those s****y adverts that he's licensed his characters for to understand. Sad.

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    • FBSLoyens

      Feb 3rd 2012, 11:04

      So this is the reason why George Lucas retired!

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    • gwales

      Feb 3rd 2012, 11:55

      Hurry up Qui-Gon!

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    • LiviConnor

      Feb 3rd 2012, 12:42

      that felt A LOT longer than 1.46

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    • Tarantino3011

      Feb 3rd 2012, 14:09

      I am now 100% certain.... There is NO god!!!!

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    • Hadouken76

      Feb 3rd 2012, 14:09

      "Jar-Jar makes the Ewoks look like f**KKing Shaft!" Lets be honest, you didnt need a trailer to know it was going to be a bad idea. It was s**t then, its s**t now and it will be still be s**t, in a 100 years time.

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    • QuietLife

      Feb 3rd 2012, 14:59

      How the hell did that voice-over guy get through this without hurling himself out of the window?! I honestly thought it was a wind up! Goes to show that it is even possible to make the Phantom Menace even s**ttier though.

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    • sashurst

      Feb 3rd 2012, 15:18

      Hurry up Qui-Gon! ... To your imminent death.

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    • McSerious

      Feb 3rd 2012, 15:25

      Was waiting for the annoying voice over guy to say "WHOOPSY-DAISY QUI-GON! NOW YOU'RE DEAD!"

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    • DanielMcA

      Feb 3rd 2012, 16:25

      If Lucas is doing the Star Wars back catalogue in 3D will that include the Holiday Special?

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    • georgeWW

      Feb 3rd 2012, 16:37

      God have mercy on our souls its as if Lucas hates his own work

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    • FBJThomas

      Feb 3rd 2012, 18:13

      the CGI just looks so dated and the film looks more dredfull since this f****t is narrating it

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    • Superjediman

      Feb 3rd 2012, 22:14

      Lucasfilm - Zero (for many years, for messing with the SW films) Number of people going to watch Episode 1 after seeing that trailer - Zero

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    • Indianabones

      Feb 3rd 2012, 23:38

      Could some one please call me an ambulance, i think my eyes have just burned, and my ears have imploded!

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    • murphy

      Feb 4th 2012, 8:30

      This surely is the end of days,first that piece of sh!t trailer and then i thought Dalidabs comment was actually quite good! WTF is going on!

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    • writerdave87

      Feb 4th 2012, 12:27

      I have to say Dalidab that comment was pretty funny, nicely done!

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    • writerdave87

      Feb 4th 2012, 21:47

      I'd reply to you but I genuinely have no idea what the f**k you just said. Try speaking english next time.

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    • smellyhands

      Feb 5th 2012, 2:45

      They were trying to pay you a compliment :-) but it is rare for you to receive them so I don't blame your reaction :-) Smiley faces are awesome :-) See??

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    • writerdave87

      Feb 5th 2012, 3:06

      :-) Dalidab I hope you're run over by a combine harvester :-) and syphillitic badgers rape your disease-ridden, ruptured corpse :-)

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    • Indianabones

      Feb 5th 2012, 19:37

      @Writerdave87, I just shocked at your mistreatment, pure nastinesss and venemous bile towords another life! I hope you feel truly ashamed of yourself, I have never been so disgusted in the mistreatment of another! I for one Hope Badgers never have to be put through such cruel treatment ;)

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    • writerdave87

      Feb 6th 2012, 2:10

      Aye tbh I was a bit h*****n the badgers, they've already got TB, and syphillis, they don't need the mental trauma of having sex with Dalidab.

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    • writerdave87

      Feb 6th 2012, 2:11

      censoring h/ard o/n? seriously?

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    • Hadouken76

      Feb 6th 2012, 10:42

      Yeah, I never understood how TF can swear in their articles but we have to be on our best behaviour..

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    • FBCGervais

      Feb 8th 2012, 16:04

      Here's a titanic version- http://youtu.be/U6qIHUb0g-M

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