In a nutshell:
When you go down to the woods today you're sure of a big surprise.
Soon the hunt will begin.
'Get to the chopper!'
'If it bleeds we can kill it.'
Dutch: [after impaling an enemy to a tree with a knife] 'Stick around.'
Seven tough, manly marines - led by Major Alan "Dutch" Schaefer (Arnie), are tasked with the rescue of 3 US senators from a South American country.
The plan is to fly in and eliminate of guerrilla forces through the use of overcompensatory guns and sheer homoerotic terror.
However all is not as easy as it may have initially seemed.
Tits start to become upwardly inclined when Arnie and his magnificent muscles start to find evidence that the guerrillas may be the least of their problems.
Cue flayed bodies hanging from trees and ominous clicking sounds as the team get picked off like after dinner mints.
Though the thing, whatever it is, is hiding in the trees and turning invisible - the cheating ponce - Dutch discovers it bleeds, and it bleeds green.
Thus begins the biggest, most apocalyptic punch up you're ever likely to see outside of a Friday night in Swindon, with the winner gaining lucrative rights to the mighty one liners.
Written by: Jeneral Joe