Reviews

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

2

Great title. Shame about the movie…

You don’t have to be as honest as Abe to concede there’s something deliciously bonkers about America’s 16th president having a clandestine sideline in bloodsucker elimination.

Once its genre mash-up premise is established, alas, there isn’t much left to make Timur Bekmambetov’s latest worth the four score and seven minutes it still has to run.

Beginning, à la John Carter, with its hero spilling the beans about his hidden history via a voice-overed diary, Lincoln introduces Bill and Ted’s future travelling companion as a headstrong tyke understandably peeved when his mother is munched by Marton Czokas’ rapacious vampire.

It’s only when he’s grown up though that he does something about it, instigating a ham-fisted revenge mission he only survives thanks to the intervention of an undead Dominic Cooper.

Turns out vampires can’t kill their own and need humans like Benjamin Walker’s sturdy Abraham to do it for them. Thus begins the Karate Kid part of the story, Abe receiving instruction in the finer arts of silver-tipped axe-wielding from Cooper’s Yoda in the run-up to a showdown with Rufus Sewell’s slave-owning vamp overlord.

It’s not long before Walker is slaying toothsome agents of darkness left, right and centre, something he manages to juggle with toiling in a shop, wooing Mary Elizabeth Winstead and successfully running for office.

But that’s not enough for the Wanted director, who keeps preposterously upping the ante in the apparent misapprehension we might actually be taking this nonsense seriously.

When he’s not having Walker pursue Czokas across the backs of a thousand stampeding horses or rescue chum Anthony Mackie from a vampire cotillion, the Bekmambetov has him gallivanting atop an out-of-control steam train as it tries to cross a collapsing wooden bridge.

What he doesn’t do is offer us any respite from his 3D CGI barrage, an assault on the senses that makes the bullet John Wilkes Booth fired into the real Abe’s noggin seem calming by comparison.

Verdict:

“Come on dear,” tuts Mrs Lincoln towards the end. “We’ll be late for the theatre!” Arrive two hours late for Bekmambetov’s overcooked noise generator and you’ll have a fantastic night.

Film Details

User Reviews

    • FBSCornwell

      Jun 20th 2012, 10:03

      Woah, that's a scathing review! Sounds like the community of IMDB is going to drop a great big 6.0 on this one. Really not worth bothering then?

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    • LSJShez

      Jun 20th 2012, 13:58

      c**p, but in a good, pass the time kinda way. Instead of wasting time with presidential vampire killers, Bekmambetov should concentrate on what we are all wanting - the third part of the Night**tch trilogy.

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    • FBJRider

      Jun 20th 2012, 16:58

      The book's good, can the film really be that bad?

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    • lekai

      Jun 20th 2012, 19:56

      The film is not that bad. Its got its fair share of flaws but it's fun nonetheless. The ending alone elevated this movie from mediocrity and you proudly put it on display in your Verdict section. Good job.

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    • ghostland

      Dec 22nd 2012, 18:46

      1

      This film was pretty bad. Considering Tim Burton has his input in it, i was really disappointed. There is one fairly decent fight scene about half way through and that's it really. I understand the focus is supposed to be on Abe and his life in the States but the film couldn't decide what the most important aspects of the plot were. One minute it's about vampires, the next about slaves, then it decides it actually needs to go back to the vampires for a bit. Half way through it decides the vampires will leave Abe alone for a few years while he has a son and just when the audience forgets that the vampires are actually central to the story, they suddenly come back into it?! It would be a lot better if it wasn't for the vampires... But hey, that's just my personal opinion :).

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