“Big girl, facial hair, ankles like a lamppost,” says Ant, describing Dec’s ex-girlfriend. Or is it Dec, describing Ant’s girlfriend? Never could tell... Anyway, find the lamppost gag funny/original/clever and chances are you’ll enjoy the rest of the Geordie twosome’s film debut – the bastard child of SM:TV’s shittier sketches and Saturday Night Takeaway’s best bits. Telling of the pair’s discovery, purchase, subsequent loss and remaking of a film reel from the ’40s showing the eponymous operation, Alien Autopsy bumbles along in its sub-sub-sub-Ealing comedy manner towards an improbable conclusion that will have the intellectually-normal not so much rolling in the aisles as pegging it down them. Charming, if you like Ant and Dec. Irrelevant if you still don’t know which one is which. “I don’t think I can go through this again,” says Ant (or Dec) at the end. Salient advice, indeed.