The name says it all.

Beastly review

Written and directed by Daniel Barnz (Phoebe In Wonderland) and starring the unholy union of High School Musical star Vanessa Hudgens and moon-eyed Mary-Kate Olsen, this new-fangled take on a very old tale makes the odd assumption that what tweenage audiences want in their fairytale adaps is more smartphone product placement and slanguage like “fattycakes”.

And that doesn’t begin to sum up the sins of this dull, plodding Beauty And The Beast update, which follows the path of a repulsive prep schooler (Alex Pettyfer) whose run-in with a resident goth-witch (Olsen!) leaves him cursed with the titular “beastly” visage until he can find a girl to love him for who he is on the inside. No easy task, considering he’s a vain, preening creep.

Pettyfer’s stricken Kyle skulks around in his penthouse hideout when, following a couple of eye-rolling plot developments, he ends up harbouring secret crush lindy (Hudgens), who’s on the lam from drug dealers.

From there, it’s your basic ill-starred, Disney-esque romance, only instead of a regal man-lion, you get a snivelling rich kid. It almost seems a disservice to mention there is a very dim bright spot in this gloopy stew: Neil Patrick Harris is sharp and funny as Kyle’s blind tutor.

There are, however, more worthwhile places to see Harris being sharp and funny. While it’s possible that less-discerning Twihards might find some worth in Beastly, it’s hard to imagine anyone lasting the full running time.

Between the title and Kyle’s eyebrow tattoos – honestly, they read “embrace” and “suck” – it’s as if the producers want us to avoid their film. if that’s the case, job well done.


A tween-baiting update that sullies the elegant fairytale with privileged brats in penthouses. Beastly is a crass, spirit-sapping bore.

Film Details

User Reviews

    • matty2392

      Apr 15th 2011, 19:51

      I thought this was going to get 5 stars hahaha. I couldnt even watch the trailer to this, i got half way and was shocked at how awful it was.

      Alert a moderator

    • BruceShark

      Apr 16th 2011, 2:31

      Wow. With three brilliant actors like that in it, who'd have thought this would be s**t.............. oh wait, everybody.

      Alert a moderator

    • HereComeTheFuzz

      Apr 16th 2011, 9:57

      Yeah because theres no way that a story about a pretty girl who falls for a vampire has ANYTHING to do with Beauty and the Beast.........(facepalm)

      Alert a moderator

    • writerdave87

      Apr 16th 2011, 14:51

      Sorry, how the hell should they feel ashamed of themselves? They gave Sucker Punch three stars and that was pretty damn bad (I suspect on technical innovation)... how awful must this be to get only one star?? I think Pettyfer has potential but sweet Jesus he needs to find some films where he's not playing a rich, English knobhead.

      Alert a moderator

    • AstAr

      Apr 18th 2011, 16:19

      Get over yourselves everyone esp. Ken MacIntyre!!! All you've done is just wasted your breath and 'precious' time 'expressing' how pathetic and sad of a person you are. Wait...what am I doing? I'm turning into Ken MacIntyre there...'enough said! Go dalidab1982 :-)

      Alert a moderator

    • moviemoments

      Apr 27th 2011, 23:29


      Beastly posters say "Love is never ugly" and it's true but this movie IS!!! I think Beastly is actually way worse than Red Riding Hood. There was no connection between two main characters what so ever. It was just a poor copy of a beautiful story from Beauty an The Beast. The only character that brought a little it of colour was Kendra played by Mary-Kate Olsen. She really was interesting but the other two ( Pettyfer and Hudgens ) were boring and unreal. Don't waste your time and money!!!!

      Alert a moderator

    • timberlandsale

      Apr 29th 2011, 8:06

      All of us have read timberland clearance thrilling stories in which the hero had only a limited and specified time to live. Sometimes it was as long as a year, sometimes as short as 24 hours. But always we were interested in discovering mens timberland boots just how the doomed hero chose to spend his last days or his last hours. I speak, of course, of free men who have a choice, not condemned criminals whose sphere of womens timberland boots activities is strictly delimited. Such stories set us thinking, wondering what we should do under similar circumstances. What events, what experiences, what associations should we crowd into those last hours as mortal timberland 3 eyes boat beings? HYD

      Alert a moderator

Most Popular