Reviews

Colombiana

3

Saldana goes bananas.

Colombiana review

Zoe Saldana should really be a bigger star by now.

Not just because she delivered the most memorable performance in the highest-grossing film of all time (even if it was as a cerulean-toned alien from planet Pandora). No – it’s because she’s got the goods, a lithe, sensitive charisma with more value than simply fuelling fanboy fantasies.

So it’s a buzz to see her get her own kick-ass vehicle, but disappointing that producer/co-writer Luc Besson couldn’t conjure something classier than this vengeance thriller about a female assassin racking up a body count Rambo would envy.

Had Besson wanted to do for Saldana what he did for Liam Neeson with Taken, he’d have spent more time at the keyboard and hired a director of more refined talents than the aptly named Olivier Megaton (Transporter 3).

If not for its Hispanic milieu, Colombiana could almost be a sequel to Besson’s Léon. In place of Mathilda, we have Cataleya Restrepo, who watches her parents murdered in Bogota as a little girl and under his wing and shows her the assassin ropes.

You expect daftness in this genre, but it’s funny how Cataleya’s professional targets are all linked to her ultimate prize, while a sidetracking romance with Michael Vartan’s white-bread hunk is silly and sappy, there to let Saldana flash her big Bambi eyes and show the beating heart beneath the hardened-killer shell.

But Colombiana is chiefly designed around the pleasures of watching sSldana waste scores of leering goons with roundhouse kicks and massive weaponry, all while looking fabulous and wearing not very much at all.

There’s no question she keeps up her end of the bargain. It’s just a shame that her Gallic taskmasters leave you feeling like you’re watching a cheesy ’70s cop show.

Verdict:

If Colombiana was a better film, we could be talking up Zoe Saldana as the next Angelina Jolie. But she’s going to need a stronger vehicle than this to end Angie’s reign.

Film Details

User Reviews

    • commercialsense

      Aug 31st 2011, 22:39

      ...parents murdered in Bogota as a little girl and under his wing and shows her the assassin ropes..... great writing.

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    • ChrisWootton

      Sep 1st 2011, 15:58

      Ha, proofing wouldn't go a miss. Don't think I'll bother with this one.. mainly because of the Luc Besson attachment. His earlier stuff his ok but after Leon everything he touches is basically awful

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    • MikeyRix

      Sep 1st 2011, 18:13

      Also, who's "sSldana"?? @ChrisWootton: Yeah, there seems to be a LOT of cases on this website where proofing wouldn't go amiss ;)

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    • corconian

      Sep 1st 2011, 18:15

      Hmm, say the trailer for this the other day, it looked like one of those fake/spoof trailers (like Machete) that was 'so bad its good' entertaining, they made a whole film of it. I'm quite tired now of the whole Talented Assassin (Bourne, Wanted, Taken) genre... oh so very tired ..

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    • rjdjones

      Sep 2nd 2011, 12:31

      3

      Saw a preview of this last night - it's almost exactly what you expect - a by the numbers revenge flick which could have been written for someone like Jason Statham. There are all the scenes - Zoe in the shower/bath, Zoe changing, Zoe wearing shorts or a skirt again just to show how nice her legs are (but if you're expecting any explicit nudity then you're not getting any). Colombia looks amazing, the rest of the film is the standard meh of so many films these days

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    • stephen37

      Sep 8th 2011, 11:12

      5

      I saw this film in the US recently and i just think it is fantastic..Just the mere pleasure of seeing the drop dead gorgeous Zoe Saldana(my favourite actress by the way) kick colombian gangster a*s put a massive smile on my face. Great stuff.

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    • ProjectJames

      Oct 12th 2012, 11:12

      5

      Best revenge thriller for years, Zoe Saldana deserves an award for Action Goddess!

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