Reviews

Friday The 13th

2

Camp Blood reopens for business…

From the men who tidied up the spelling of The Texas Chain Saw Massacre comes another overhaul of an infamous scary movie.

Or, rather, movies: Friday The 13th ’09 steals body parts from the first three entries in the 11-film franchise, allowing producer Michael Bay and director Marcus Nispel to not only have Jason doing the slashing (he only pops up in the final frames of the 1980 original, and then as a snaggle-toothed sprog with puckered fingers) but also to kit him out in his iconic Detroit Red Wings hockey mask. It sure beats the brown-paper-bag-with-poked-out-eyeholes look of Part 2

The big news, as you probably already know, is that Nispel’s back-to-basics slasher could have been titled Jason Runs, the lovable lunk no longer plodding implacably but sprinting like Usain Bolt with a machete.

Amazingly it works, partly because we live in mobile times (OK, it’s a stretch…), partly because Zack Snyder’s fleet-footed zombies cleared the path, and largely because the last thing any post-coital, languorous teen needs is to be run down by a puritanical psycho with a big blade and a bigger erection.

Derek Mears’ trim waistline helps, too; imagine Kane Hodder jouncing through the foliage in his boiler suit…

The kills - pleasingly nasty, passably inventive, totally unscary - deliver in part(s), as Jason penetrates, immolates and eviscerates 13 teens to add to his already impressive body count of 174.

But it soon becomes… well, boring. How could it not? The kids are bland and obnoxious, the score is industrial dirge (albeit with the odd sample of the series’ eerie signature ‘tune’, ki ki ki, ma ma ma - “Kill her, mommy”) and the inclusion of a subterranean labyrinth makes it more Crystal Maze than Crystal Lake.

Our guess? You’ll be ready to pack up by the hour mark.
 
Jamie Graham
 

Verdict:

He runs, he stumbles… Jason’s newest beginning is satisfyingly sick but far too slick, Nispel jettisoning grubby, home-movie visuals – and with them all tension – in favour of really lustrous leaves. Disappointing.

Film Details

User Reviews

    • castiel

      Feb 14th 2009, 13:02

      2

      I love the friday films but the acting is really s**t and it does get very boring.

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    • Pinkie7

      Feb 14th 2009, 15:36

      1

      Terrible film, biggest waste of money ever! I was wanting to leave after 20minutes!!

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    • missizzard

      Feb 16th 2009, 10:55

      This is one of the worst horror films I have seen in years. There is zero tension, and zero scares. The teens are so hateful you are actively wanting them to get killed off as quickly as possible. Throw in a few gratuitous sex scenes/girl's body parts, and you've got a recipe for one of the most generic, boring slasher films of all time. Pointless.

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    • maximus83

      Feb 16th 2009, 18:01

      will be seeing it anyway. teens being slashed is all you need

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    • discokingz

      Feb 19th 2009, 1:30

      5

      It's what I'd expect, plenty of mindless slayings, don't believe the toss the others tell you i'ts all good fun for horror/slasher film lovers! ;~)

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    • discokingz

      Feb 19th 2009, 1:33

      Friday the 13th 2009 ...It's the biggest grossing horror film of all time in it's opening weekend in the US so, goody, we're guarenteed a sequel!! Can't wait, love it!

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    • discokingz

      Feb 19th 2009, 1:33

      5

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    • discokingz

      Feb 19th 2009, 1:33

      5

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    • discokingz

      Feb 19th 2009, 1:34

      5

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    • discokingz

      Feb 19th 2009, 1:34

      5

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    • paulus

      Feb 19th 2009, 12:28

      5

      yep 5 stars. its amazing. yawn!!!!i just woke up was i typing. i had a nightmare where i thought the friday the 13th remake was a great film. can you imagine that. thats one truly bad dream.

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    • Dominc

      Aug 18th 2009, 8:06

      5

      Great film I loved it and its every jumpy well I think it is One of the best horrors I have seen and the killings are great.

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    • jackcarlin

      Jul 31st 2011, 18:50

      3

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