Lesbian Vampire Killers


Lacking some teeth…

Writers Paul Hupfield and Stewart Williams sired LVK title-first, shooting for the most shamelessly commercial moniker anyone’s ever thought of. The screenplay came second – which could be why it often feels like an afterthought.

You get the gist in the first five minutes, a Middle Ages-set intro sequence. There’s a lesbian vampire queen. She gets killed. She’s going to come back. That’s it. Cut to the present day: best mates Jimmy (Mathew Horne) and Fletch (James Corden), both down on their luck, head to a Welsh village where they’re duped on to the moors as fresh meat for the queen and her Sapphic psycho-sisters. Chases, splattery beheadings and cock jokes follow.

It looks like The Evil Dead directed by Zack Snyder on a shoestring. It feels like it was conceived in the brain of a 15-year-old boy who sleeps on a stack of weekly lads’ mags.

Early on, there’s a scene where Corden is fired from his job as a children’s entertainer, dressed as a clown. Why? Because clowns are comical – and fat ones even more so. Is the scene ever referred to again? Of course it isn’t. Because this isn’t so much a structured story as a loose series of skits designed to mine cheap, dirty, guilty laughs. It’s slapdash, it’s idiotic, it’s obsessed with breasts and swearing. In its defence, it doesn’t ever pretend to be anything else (the clue’s in the title)– and even the stoniest viewer will unwittingly let out a titter in places.

If you’re expecting the new Shaun Of The Dead, you’re going to be disappointed. On the other hand, if you’ve ever tapped ‘55378008’ into a calculator, turned it upside down and giggled for hours, this is your new favourite film.

Richard Moore


It’s not big, it’s certainly not clever, it’s not a high-point in Corden and Horne’s comedy partnership. But if you’re a fan of the duo and set your expectations as low as the film’s ambitions, you won’t walk away too wounded.

Film Details

User Reviews

    • duncan1964

      Mar 16th 2009, 15:31


      Couldnt agree more. A laughter free night in the cinema - and I saw the a media screening where EVERYONE got in for free. If you cant make a cinema full of people there on a freebie laugh you are in trouble!! One critsism - Im pretty sure the village was in East Anglia and not Wales

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    • red157

      Mar 17th 2009, 17:12

      So out of Brit pairings heading to the cinema, this is more Ant & Dec in Alien Autopsy than Frost & Pegg in Shaun of the Dead? Shame really, though up until the start of this review I had always assumed this was being written by Horne & Corden... Not actually fans of theirs particularly, but I'm sure even they could have done a better job.

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    • scabo33

      Mar 20th 2009, 16:43


      Total a**e....but it will draw the largest and strangest of crowds.

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    • sanguinarius

      Mar 28th 2009, 22:57


      Better than I was expecting as I can not stand Gavin and Stacy. Everyone in the cinema where I saw it was laughing.

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      Mar 29th 2009, 20:13


      James Cordon and Mathew Horne have suddenly risen to fame thanks to the BBC’s fabulous Gavin & Stacey (indeed, they've have their first sketch show and film in the space of a few weeks). I must stress that I adore Gavin and Stacey, and I honestly went into the cinema to see Lesbian Vampire Killers really wanting to like it. No such luck. This is not to say the film is a complete failure, because there are a few memorable moments, but nothing in its 90-minute running time is very funny. The script doesn’t seem to know if it is a satire of horror flicks, comedies, horror comedies, or just not a satire, and by the end you can’t help escaping from air of disappointment that rises as the closing credits start to come up. The biggest joke, of course, is the outrageous name. But this type of title can really only be justified if it has an edgy, daring and very funny film behind it. You can probably tell by now that I don’t think this relationship is adhered to. Cordon and Horne hiking in the countryside, travel to a creepy village, where, after a dodgy welcome by some grisly pub dwellers, walk to an even creepier cottage to shelter for the night. On the way they find a group of foreign student females and, predicting that sex may be round the corner, they are overjoyed at the prospect of spending a night in a cottage with them. If you’ve seen the trailer, you will know that these students have a connection to a certain group of Lesbian Vampires. If you haven’t seen the trailer, I assure you I am not spoiling some deviously-clever twist in the narrative. There isn’t one. This wasted opportunity of a film disappoints on many levels, and leaves you hoping Horne and Cordon will come up with something spectacular, and soon, to compensate for this mistake.

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    • MartinS

      Apr 10th 2009, 12:53


      What is the difference between Horne & Cordon and Frost & Pegg. Well the former are the Daily Sport and the latter are Tom Sharpe. If you don't understand this comparison go and see the film, you will probably think it's good! But then again if someone told you c**p was the new caviar and put out TV adverts you would probably eat it. Total toss from start to finish, a waste of the Earth's diminishing resources!

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    • Phoenix81

      Jul 28th 2009, 15:10


      Oh dear how the mighty have fallen. 1st they have there own show which is rubbish then they sink lower with this "Film"... Stick to Gavin & Stacey lads!!

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