Reviews

The Twilight Saga: New Moon

2

Robsessed? Prepare to swoon. Nonplussed? Prepare to scorn…

In the wake of the international pant-dampening hysteria generated by Twilight last year, Summit Entertainment certainly knew they had a cash cow on their hands.

So before you could say ‘kerching!’ they were churning out the second of Stephanie Meyer’s dreary books following the teen romance between vampire Edward (Robert Pattinson) and human Bella (Kristen Stewart) as they negotiate the perils of breaking up and resisting blood-lust (seriously, what does he do when she has her period?).

When Bella is nearly scoffed by one of Edward’s siblings, he dumps her and leaves her to recover with the help of jailbait hottie Jacob (Taylor Lautner) – who also happens to be a werewolf. And then there’s a unicorn who… no, not really.

But if this sounds preposterous already, New Moon is not for you. It’s aimed unashamedly at fans looking for Pattinson porn and willing to buy into the Meyers mythology with a straight face.

Where original Twilight director Catherine Hardwicke successfully tapped into primal teenage sexual longing, replacement Chris Weitz (The Golden Compass) makes the glossy follow-up slavishly faithful to the over-ripe book, loaded with operatic performances and a portentous tone that that is never far from being snigger-inducing.

Edward struts everywhere (and even skips through the woods) in eye-candy slo-mo. Everyone… (frown) talks with (lip-bite)… overly dramatic pauses. God, everyone is MISERABLE. And the CGI wolves are a bit rubbish.

But like Marmite, what some will hate, others will love. Book devotees will be thrilled by Rosenberg’s attention to Meyers’s florid dialogue and key scenes; Twilight movie fans will get moist for R-Pattz stripping and Lautner’s physical transformation from boy to lupine stud; and casual viewers will enjoy Michael Sheen’s entertaining scenery munching as a vampire law-maker.

Yes, it’s not as unquantifiably hot or audience-transcending as Twilight, but New Moon is still a guilty pleasure that should keep fans across the spectrum happy, without being a stand-alone great film.

Besides, the cliffhanger ending to the next instalment (2010’s Eclipse) promises room for improvement. And it’s only eight months away…

Verdict:

Depending on your gender, age and Twihard-ness, this good-looking angst party is either a solid Meyer adaptation with quiver-worthy moments of hotness; or a wet, ludicrous, unintentionally-funny pile of steaming bathos.

Film Details

User Reviews

    • Penelope198

      Nov 18th 2009, 11:20

      Hrmmm, methinks someone may need to lighten up just a tad? Think there should be two reviews of this film - one by someone who doesn't think the concept sounds "preposterous" and then this one. Just a thought ... No?

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    • Penelope198

      Nov 18th 2009, 11:20

      Hrmmm, methinks someone may need to lighten up just a tad? Think there should be two reviews of this film - one by someone who doesn't think the concept sounds "preposterous" and then this one. Just a thought ... No?

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    • BenLinus

      Nov 18th 2009, 12:31

      Honestly totalfim.com where do you get these people from that actually submit these reviews. I am in total agreement with Penelope. Why, when given the opportunity to see the film in advance do they then squander that privelege on a poorly written and equally bloated review and actually use the word period in such poor context. Not being a massive fan of the franchise i take on obard some of the comments but the rest is just poor. Why not do us all a favour and do something imaginative with your reviews like you usually do. Heres an idea....offer the opportunity up to your readers to go and see the screening in place of your reveiwer and then let them write a review that gets published on your site???? Just a thought you know, mix it up a bit something wacky instead of passing instead of letting one of your cleaners do the reviewing. Love the site though dudes

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    • thethingandi

      Nov 18th 2009, 12:39

      Thought this was quite a generous review and says exactly what you asked for Penelope198 in that it says if your a teenager you'll probably love it, if your an adult then probably not, Take it your a Twihard? Oh and your right JC the the CGI werewolves look horrendously bad.

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    • Shelbiie

      Nov 18th 2009, 12:43

      Well, looks like the Twi-hards are biting back hard already. To be honest, I'm not completely surprised by the comments of them being a miserable bunch of cast with dramatic pauses. The story is farfetched, Bella is far too dependent, and as for Taylor... well thank god there's something to look at. However, I don't agree with the comments about Hardwicke - sorry, but her version of 'Twilight' was more boring then hearing the fans scream over Meyer's leads. I reckon Weitz would of done a much better job (for the fact colour has been injected into the movie. YAY!). Although I do agree, the werewolves look rubbish.

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    • Grinch11

      Nov 18th 2009, 18:23

      3

      I was lucky enough to attend the FDA screening of New Moon last night. I am not the target audience and I found the whole navel gazing tone of the novels quite ponderous and off-putting. That said, the first film was a surprisingly effective genre entry and the sequel is infintely better in every single department. It doesnt take itself as seriously as before, and despite the "star-crossed lovers" narrative everyone involved seems to have lightened up a little bit. The pap-happy actors seem to be more comfortable in their pasty skins this time around. R-Patz even manages the odd smile amongst the wistful off-screen stares. The effects are sparingly used, and yes, the wolves aren't great but you get used to their look. The only major gripe is the pimping of the soundtrack. Some set-pieces are completely ruined by the need to drown them in the latest melancholic anthems and slo-mo indulgence. It does seem that the TF review has been compiled by someone with a bias against the source material, but remember this is just one persons opinion, I dont like the books, but colour me interested with the film frachise.

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    • graverobber666

      Nov 18th 2009, 18:45

      I have to say whilst I have obviously not seen this film yet and I am not some Twi-Hard galloping in to fight off any negative comments, this review is REALLY poor and just comes across as something that an imature 12 year old would write. Was that whole "period" bit really necessary? There's very little actual discussion on the film itself, replaced in favour of "witty" remarks on things that the writer obviously felt were beneath him/her to talk about. I will concied that the CGI werewolf shape-shifting SUCKS! But seriously, sit down and have someone edit this review properly!

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    • StephenToman

      Nov 19th 2009, 11:59

      Well written review acknowledging the target audience and what they will get out of it, whilst also displaying a personal response to the film in a FILM MAGAZINE. The target audience is a large, but very specific one - males, people who haven't read the books, people who didn't like twilight, people who actually like films (and think, talk and write about them)probably won't get much out of it. All of which was covered in the review. Which of course everyone is welcome to disagree with, but to state that the review itself is bad, now thats just being silly - and wrong. And I have a suspicion that if not a single word of the review was changed but an extra star was given there wouldn't be a whole lot of complaining going on.

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    • Badgeman

      Nov 19th 2009, 13:06

      Hmmm - I suspect that as with most things in life you could put forward a solid argument either way. I won't bother trying to dissect the film as obviously I haven't seen it yet. I'm not a fan as such but know for a fact I'd watch it with a more rounded, fair-minded outlook than the c***e that wrote the drivel above. I wholeheartedly agree with those that have commented on the poor writing of the review. Adolecent, lazy and base; as is the case ever more frequently with TF these days. I don't know if you've changed your staff writers of late (I don't pay that much attention) but I've without doubt seen a steady decline in the quality of writing in general over the last 12 months or so. And as for the comments such as 'the story is far fetched'.. Thank you for that, very insightful. Come to think of it, Star Wars suddenly now seems a little unrealistic in parts.

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    • Badgeman

      Nov 19th 2009, 13:18

      Hmmm - I suspect that as with most things in life you could put forward a solid argument either way. I won't bother trying to dissect the film as obviously I haven't seen it yet. I'm not a fan as such but know for a fact I'd watch it with a more rounded, fair-minded outlook than the c***e that wrote the misguided drivel above. I wholeheartedly agreement with those that have commented on the poor writing of the review. Adolescent, lazy and base; as is the case ever more frequently with TF these days. I don't know if you've changed your staff writers of late (I don't pay that much attention) but I've without doubt seen a steady decline in the quality of writing in general over the last 12 months or so. And as for the comments such as 'the story is far fetched'.. Thank you for that - very insightful. Come to think of it, Star Wars suddenly now seems a little implausible at times too.

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    • fuzzcaminski

      Nov 19th 2009, 14:51

      Badgerman, I don't believe the reviewer is saying that the idea of vampires is far fetched, but the suggestion that Bella, whom from what I can gather from my understanding and small, but not ignorant knowledge of the material, is a smart, independent young woman who has goals, opinions and a mind of her own, would suddenly in the second instalment become so undermined by her emotions that she would resort to putting herself in physical danger in order to get Edward back. Personally that is what I believe the reviewer was referring to when suggesting that 'the story is far fetched'. But I'm just one man with one opinion.

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    • StephenToman

      Nov 19th 2009, 18:47

      I love that New f*****g Moon - this year's cash cow - is the most debated film on this website. Or is it the review itself that is being debated? Maybe Ms Crowther could have it adapted into a film or seven? With increasing pec-size in each one. Just shows that the majority of people only read reviews of films that they are already interested in to some degree and have therefore already made up their minds to some extent before they actually see the film for themselves. By all means discuss the film but don't rip into a reviewer because they can see through your over-hyped b******t (and also admit why many people would like it - see? Fair.) - and more importantly have a platform from which to tell you so.

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    • MikeyRix

      Nov 19th 2009, 21:09

      Oh my God, it looks like people are getting "hot and steamy" over the review itself, let alone the frakking film! Just wait, why don't you? I hated the first film, but I'm quite prepared to give it a second chance, even if I'm one of the last to see it.

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    • gusfielden

      Nov 20th 2009, 13:29

      I am have been looking forward to seeing this movie for some considerable time, but awful reviews sometime about good films are disappointing total film. Whilst I haven't been back to my website for sometime, at it's height the reviews told the audience everything they wanted to know! Check it out at www.iammoviemad.com Regards, Angus

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    • gusfielden

      Nov 20th 2009, 13:34

      3

      Check out www.iammoviemad.com for reviews as the audience intended. Not as perceived by one person. I haven't been back to my site since december last year but it was doing very well when I had the time. The review of Twilight above is appalling, and I can't wait to see it this weekend if not to compare my feelings on the movie good or bad.

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    • thethingandi

      Nov 20th 2009, 14:06

      gusfielden, go suck with that pathetic excuse of a movie website - you write like a 10 year old, stop spamming. Oh and all those calling Jane Crowther names for a perfectly fair and decently written review just because you don't agree with it, does not make you appear intellectually superior or right. So ya boo sucks.

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    • Alice

      Nov 20th 2009, 23:30

      4

      Just in response to the critic saying "seriously, what does he do when she has her period?" With a little research you would find that this is known as 'dead blood' and vampires have no desire for it. Loved New Moon, great film.

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    • jaydarko85

      Nov 21st 2009, 8:08

      Woh, ok so did someone get out the wrong side of the bed when they wrote this review jeez guys! To be honest i am far from a twilight fan, the first film was enjoyable and needs to be taken with a pinch of salt but to call the plot preposterous is an amateur remark and really begs the question if the reviewer has any knowledge of films what-so-ever!! Hello its film land right, werewolves and vampires based in the real world is kind of the norm right? if we're talking preposterous, how about alien robots with dangling balls and who leak fluid as if they are going to the toilet! i've not read the books and was appalled when my friends insisted on a group viewing of the first film but came away pleasantly surprised and rather enjoyed it. you mention over dramatic pauses and everyone is miserable, for starters the over dramtic pauses pretty some up how every girl who read the books feels, and probably how stephanie eyer felt when writing it so this could be an ingenious move in both films giving the audience that feeling they had when they first read the book and as for the everyone is miserable thing, isnt that the point, bella hates her life, shes moved to a s****y town and all of a sudden this guy comes into her life that is magical, but only to find out love is fantastic and sucks(no pun intended)making you miserable no matter what world you live in vampires or no vapires! i wasn't planning on parting with my cash to see the sequel but on reading this review i feel compelled to go watch it 'cos it must be so awful for total film to give it two stars im intrigued on how you could give such a shoddy review, even if you didn't like it. im usually to the letter follower of your reviews but this one has turned my world upside down. I imagine the reviewer is not a big fan of the first, can't understand what the big deal is and insisted that they write this review! by all means i believe the review should be honest and like someone said above it should be aimed at your target readers however it seems like you tried not to get caught up in the hysteria and obsession that is the twi-hards world, but in doing so you've done a full 180 and started running in the othe direction, causing this awful review to break thousands of readers hearts . . .hmmmm could be wrong i suppose!

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    • Minibran

      Nov 21st 2009, 15:26

      2

      This is hilarious. Stephanie Meyer is a terrible writer and this is by far the worst book I have read in a long time. Weitz does his best with a terrible narrative and stays true to the book in the way that an adaptation should, in order to appeal to cult followers. Watching as a non-fan however, the loyal adaptation is what made this film suffer. I don't pretend to understand the success of the Twilight saga but something's obviously right with it.

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    • JGill25

      Nov 22nd 2009, 17:05

      5

      These reviews should not be bias. As a massive fan of both the books and the films, i respect people who do not find the story attractive, or find the acting shoddy and bad, but people referring to the films as 'soft porn' is ridiculous. Bearing in mind the films is about 2 and a half hrs, they cannot include every little detail from the book, just like the Harry Potter films do not do the books justice. However, i do believe some of the scenes are a bit disappointing as I found the book focused on other specific elements that the film didn't but I still believe the characters are portrayed perfectly, and the books storyline has come across well in this film. It is obvious there is a different director, but thats what film making is all about. This film has merely added to my excitment and interest into the third film in the saga- Eclipse.

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    • Tookaloo

      Nov 24th 2009, 20:41

      I think this review hits the nail on the head. I dont need to add anything, I think 'Shelbiie' more or less said it all. [Though I'd replace the comment about Taylor with Ashley Greene;)]

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    • superchris84

      Nov 27th 2009, 12:59

      How can a review give an unbiased opinion. Surely a review is one persons interpretation of the film. This reviewer didnt like it, but at least gave you the reasons why, but also suggested why people may like it. If you want a range of opinions there are websites that give you that, and this film is down in the 20's on one such website...what does that tell you.

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    • Agostinho

      Nov 30th 2009, 5:39

      3

      oh please !!! my opinion bout the first movie is the movie had nothing special! A traditional teen movie with nothing to take my breath away! But was different with the second one! didnt took my breath away but i enjoyed it! its not that kind of movies im dying to watch again but worth spend 2,30h of my time to watch it! 3/5

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    • hulk68

      Dec 6th 2009, 10:51

      1

      One of the biggest diappointment of 2009. Apart from the middle section it is really bad and the ending is unbeleivably bad.

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    • Jrdnsans1792

      Dec 10th 2009, 13:15

      1

      Personally i think that Jane Crowther hit the nail on the head with this review, the plot is preposterous, the CGI wolves do look rubbish and the acting is painfully bad. Only young girls (or guys) with a crush on Rob Pattinson will find anything worthwhile in this rather pathetic movie - and no i am not a fan of the books at all but i don't think that this affects my opinion of this movie because i know a lot of people who are big fans of the books and a large number of these agree with me when it comes to the film. A terrible, terrible movie - 1/5

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    • JGill25

      Jan 1st 2010, 21:30

      In response to Jrdnsans1792, I totally disagree with you. How can the acting be bad when several of them have been nominated and WON big awards for their roles in the movie, and actors such as Taylor Launter have gone on to land huge roles in other movies because of his performance in new moon. The director said himself, this movie is not for everybody, it is for the fans, and the i would say 95% of the fans are pleased with the outcome from the books. It cannot be a terrible movie when it got to #2 in the teen awards, and the trailer is the most watched of 2009. I loved the movie and cannot wait till eclipse. At least you know not to watch the 3rd if you were that disappointed.

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    • Hybrid

      Jan 2nd 2010, 12:50

      JGill25 - Your previous comment stated that you find some of the scenes disappointing, yet you have given it 5 stars. Because a film gets to #2 in the Teen Charts doesn't make it a good film, it simply means plenty of teens have been to see it. I'd compare the success of this film to a group like Westlife reaching number #1 in the music charts - it has very little to do with the content. In this case, they could have projected Pattinson's face on the screen for 2 hours and people would have still have tried to defend it.

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    • teofilagwen

      Feb 17th 2010, 1:47

      5

      Watch this movie for free if you are short on money at http://WatchFullMovieNow.com But if you have money then go to the theaters and support the movies

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    • captainchod

      Apr 12th 2010, 12:54

      1

      I reluctantly gave the first film a go, and while it wasn't good by any means it was watchable, so I decided to give this a go and see where it goes. Unfortunately New Moon is unspeakably bad. It's unintentionally funny a quite a few places, but it doesn't go into so bad it's good territory. Seriously - unless you're one of the massive fans of the books, don't bother. This was one of the VERY few occasions I almost turned off a film midway through...

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    • madrox

      Aug 2nd 2010, 14:02

      2

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