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Underworld: Evolution

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Jan 20th 2006

Kate Beckinsale’s leather-clad arse returns for a second bite of vampire mayhem, which somehow manages to be even more convoluted than its 2003 predecessor. Beginning with a flashback virtually identical to Night Watch’s opener, Len Wiseman’s dark-hued rehash tries to up the ante by having Kate’s neck-muncher stalked across Europe by a vamp-wolf hybrid (Tony Curran) who, awoken from an 800-year slumber, is on a mission to locate his lycanthropic sibling. Why? You’d best ask Derek Jacobi, on hand to spout reams of tedious exposition as the shadowy puppetmaster at the bottom of this noisy nonsense. The effects and fisticuffs should keep the fanboys happy, but everyone else will wonder why Scott Speedman’s hunk for hire can never find a shirt. Compared to this, Van Helsing was a masterpiece.

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