So there’s jobbing TV thesp David Morrissey, with his side-parting and Liam Neeson-lite scowl and, Lounge doesn’t mean to be rude, but he spends around an hour soliciting sex with a walking facelift. And when Moz and Shaz finally make with the genital joust, the effect is like your mum’s overly-made-up mate doing the dirty with her accountant.
For all its promo smoulder, Basic Instinct 2 is as sexy as a satchel-full of used teabags. Although the 50-pushing Stone looks presentable as fatality-obsessed femme Catherine, she’s just cantering through a caricature of her stab-happy fanny-flasher in Paul Verhoeven’s far, far superior original.
The Making Of is pap, but director Michael Caton-Jones does a lively chat-track... Although, sadly, he doesn’t try to clear up the monster-mush plot: psychiatrist evaluates potential homicide blonde, she messes with his head, fucks him, frames him... Then Detective David Thewlis gets mad – Welshly (“I want that cant in prison!”).
And “unrated extended cut”? Why add extra echo to the clunk? There’s already too much pop-psychology gab – and when the sex does come, it’s disappointingly chaste. “That’s the nightmare of shrinkdom,” purrs Stone. “Too many answers, too many questions, nobody gets laid.” Exactly.