Another day, another please-god-why? remake – a challenger, in fact, to Rupert Wainwright’s The Fog as the worst yet. Robert Harmon’s 1986 B-movie was fuelled by nitrate suspense, sexual ambiguity and Rutger Hauer’s sinister turn as the thumb-tipper. Dave Meyers’ cover merely proves that making a feature is not the same as making a video for Britney or J-Lo; it needs story, tone, characters. Instead we screech from one crash-bang-wallop set-piece to the next as Sean Bean’s oddly-unscary nutjob torments a couple of Stepford teens (Sophia Bush, Zachary Knighton). Ten minute doc Fuel Your Fear sees Meyers describe his debut as a “date movie”, and he has a point: you’ll be snogging to stave off the boredom.