In a nutshell:
Sexually ambiguous fighter pilots play beach volleyball.
Up there, with the best of the best.
'Tower, this is ghost rider, requesting flyby'
'I feel the need, the need for speed'
'So's my Johnson'
Tom Cruise is a hot shot fighter pilot with a rebellious streak, a sharp haircut and serious daddy issues.
When an encounter with a Russian MiG plane leads to Maverick (Tom Cruise) becoming the number one pilot in his squadron, his superior officer is forced to send him - and his comedy 'tache-wearing navigator, Goose - to Miramar, to attend Advanced Fighter Pilot School.
The pilots have another name for the school - they call it Top Gun, ‘cos it looks cool on a baseball cap.
Other pilots at Top Gun include Val Kilmer, Tim Robbins and Michael Ironside. They all have cool names, sharp haircuts and ambiguous sexuality.
At Top Gun, Maverick breaks the rules, sings karaoke, enjoys homo-erotic scenes on the beach-volleyball court, in the shower and the locker room, shags his instructor, and breaks some more rules.
Forced to reconsider whether he wants to be the most famous star in the world, Tom Cruise deals with his Daddy issues via a hug from Tom Skerrit's 'tache, nails Kelly McGillis a bit more and saves Ice-Man's ass - his favourite ass at Miramar.
Kenny Loggins, Berlin and Otis Redding take turns singing, and it's all a bit homo-erotic, but it makes you want to join the Navy. No? Just us then.
- Dan Goodswen