A gold flying saucer hovers down to Earth through thick, grey clouds and settles above 19th-century Dublin. It beams a baby on to someone's front doorstep, and the child is revealed to be Oscar Wilde. Meanwhile, a voice-over tells the audience about the "ruined cities of ancient history". Or something vaguely like that. Confused yet? If the answer is "no", then you'll probably love Velvet Goldmine. And good luck if you do -you'll be one of the lonely few.
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